I know most people have stopped reading the blog by now because they know that we are home from the Europe trip. However, we still have lots to share with you all, and we'll continue to share them as time goes on and the days past trip fade into mere memories. In any case, logging our memories here will not only help you understand our mindset at any given time during and immediately after the trip, but it will also help us remember how we really felt the summer of 2007.Right now, im just sitting in my room in the dark, wondering what i'm doing here. There's a surreal mood surrounding everything. It seems ironic really, because if you saw my room, you'd see the 5 seasons of futurama on repeat, my brother sleeping, and me just sitting typing into the wind. It's very strange to be back.
Jessica and i spent just under 3 weeks, seeing each other 24/7, yet now that we're apart, even by the short distance of only a few miles it seems impossible to reach each other. On a grand scheme, a few miles seems incredibly miniscule, and anyone who's been here the whole time would understand better that a few miles really is meaningless. From my eyes it seems that way with family. I missed them alot while i was gone, but strangely and not in the least disrespectful of them, i miss them less right now. Obviously, it would seem i miss them less because they are here right now. I'm with them now. While I was gone, they felt a world away, yet Jessica was there, she was always within reach. I missed my family, i missed Jessica less. The thing is, when i was there, they really were a world away. Now that i'm here, Jessica is not a world away, yet the short span of a few miles is an impossible trek, one that might as well be a world away. The only satisfaction you can get by being separated by a few miles rather than a million miles is the simple fact that if anything were to happen its only a matter of minutes before you can be there.
This is one thing that i was troubled with the most in Europe. I was scared, frankly, that something would happen to anyone in my family and I wouldn't be able to be there for them. Even now i can revisit the emotion and feel the same way; it was that strong. I guess some would call it helplessness. In a world where life is chaotic by nature you'd think we would be used to feeling helpless. I really can't speak for anyone else because its simply impossible for me to imagine what another person is feeling. But personally, the way i would justify such a reaction to a helpless emotion is the fact that most things in my life, i have complete control over. In programming, there is always logically a way to define things, a way to explain things and to manipulate them. That doesn't exist in life. Life is more stubborn than that. It takes some getting used to. I just hope that someday i will be content with how life turns out, and not feel that fledging urge to push life onto a track that its not meant to travel down. So far it hasn't kept me from trying to blaze my own trails. Until i realize that no path down life is truly unique i guess i'll keep on blazing.
How do i get that from a trip to Europe? Its the fact that I decided to go even when i knew that it was an impossible dream. We made it happen, so no matter how old you are or how bad life seems to be treating you, you've always still got the chance. The chance that one day you can blaze your own trail and travel the world, or at least stray away from the path you're on. If you've never done it, just remember, it's an impossible dream for us all, it always will be, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
I want to keep typing, but i should cut it short since i've strayed off topic quite a bit. I just wanted to share my thoughts in a stream of consciousness thats at least somewhat related to this blog.
Thanks for reading... Look for more posts and pictures in the very near future.
